There are plenty of books in the world that show love drawn out in a poetic lifetime.
-Love In The Time Of Cholera, or Memories of My Melancholy Whores, and many other books by Garcia Marquez.
-Unbareable Lightnes of Being, or Slowness, by Milan Kundera are amazing examples.
-The English Patient, by Michael Ondaatje. You've probably seen the movie. If you are a female [or emotionally satisfied and secure man], there are chances you may have shed a tear.
Surely, there are hundreds, if not thousands of novels that spin magical webs of love, passion, sadness, and whatever emotion that partners with love. But, these five books are beautifully crafted displays of the humanity in and surrounding love.
Over time, I will offer snippets from each book, discuss, and end with questions regarding the passage, and perhaps even the novel as a whole. I would love to open up a discussion with anyone who stumbles upon the blogs, and you will be able to leave comments and/or email me.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Lists.
Many women*, as they get older and start settling into grown up lives, makes lists or prioritize. One of the most famous lists is expectations, traits, career and education of potential mates. All of what is on this list correlates with a woman's own background - upbringing, education, career goals, etc.
As an example, let me give you a few things are on my list:
1. He must be family oriented. The size of his family isn't extremely important, but the value of family must be strong and positive. If he has siblings, they must be friendly with each other and without any major feuds. If his parents are alive and well, his respect and admiration for them is well recieved. And, his desire to have a family of his own is essential. But, let me tell you this: if a man who has a strained or nonexistant relationship with his family desires a family of his own, I am less likely inclined to get serious with him.
2. Ambition is sexy. Having healthy goals and seeing that they are reached means he is fairly stable, emotionally/mentally strong, and willing to make the relationship work.
3. Emotional & Mental Stability. Seriously, who doesn't want their mate to be stable? Even if there is a history of depression, anxiety, trauma, etc., if the potential mate is willing and able to learn, grow, and cultivate positivity, the relationship will often times succeed. [Yes, love is a two way street, and everyone needs to give in order to recieve.] I am a woman. PMS is enough of an emotional rollercoaster (which I am happy to and currently doing my best to keep a smooth and steady ride), being with a man that is emotionally all over the place and unwilling to sort it out isn't my ideal situation.
4. Some semblance of Financial Stability is important in any long term and healthy relationship. Granted, you don't need to be millionares to be in a happy relationship (look at all these rich people with trophy wives and mulitple divorces). But, being able to feed, clothe and protect oneself is the core of a healthy human being. Both people in a relationship need to be able to take basic care of themselves. Anything extra allows for buffers. And, financial stability goes hand in hand with the desire to have a family and ambition. In these economical hard times, there isn't much room for laxidasical financial planning. A family oriented couple has to have options: CDs, IRAs, 401k's, a savings account per family member (at least two of those are handy).
5. Physical Health. I find myself more attracted to men who keep themselves in shape. I'm not talking about uber-muscular, Mr. Universe types, just men you know workout 3-5 days a week. Not only does it show that they care about their current state of being, but they probably understand that being healthy in the present often means longevity and less complications with age. Not only does exercise keep you physically healthy, it helps with mental stability. A happy, healthy man is always hot.
6. Experience in physical aspects of a relationship is more appealing to me. I am at an age where I am fairly secure with my sexuality. I know what I like and want "in the bedroom" and am more comfortable sharing that with someone with a decent level of sexual experience. I don't need to be with a Casanova type, but I don't want to be with a monastic type either. While I am willing to educate men on certian things, he should have an above basic understanding of women's sexuality.
7. A Sense of Humour is a must. He doesn't have to be artfully crafted in all sorts of humour, but understanding and amusement at pretty much anything funny allows for a more enjoyable relationship. Not only does he have to be amusing and easily amused, but I appriciate a man who doesn't take life too seriously [backtrack to mental stability]. Laughing is great for the abdominals, as well as your heart and the brain's seratonin levels. Everyone should laugh an hour a day [not all at once, but you know what I mean].
8. A Desire to Learn and/or an education. Intelligence is ubersexy. As a person who loves to learn and is open to experiencing things outside what I know, being with an educated or intelligent person wo loves to learn allows me the freedom to ask questions, explore, and want to share something new with someone. And, there is nothing like a well read man. I have often found that the more a person has read [and enjoyed what they read], the more eloquent they can be. Seriously, who doesn't love eloquence?
9. At least Two Years Older than me. I have found in my 8 years of "serious" dating, it is men a few years older than I am are often more down to earth, willing to be flexible, and less likely to stray. Younger guys [consider that I am 26], in my experience, have seemed more apprehensive, less experienced emotionally and physically, more likely to have "relationship ADD" [unable to be consistent, alert, and in tune with one relationship], and more likely want to explore. And, that is perfectly acceptable. Most guys, in general, aren't ready to settle until they are in their late 20's. I personally love an older guy [as much as 10-13 years older than myself]. Men in their early 30's are much more settled in their career, have [at least] rented their own place for a couple years, are fairly well educated, have a decent amount of sexual practice under their belt, and are happy try monogamy for awhile.
Those are my most important aspects in a man's life that I find attractive, as well as for many hetero women. There will always be individual tag ons to the list. For me, it's olive skin and/or freckles, blue and/or green eyes, someone who loves Bob Dylan, The Rolling Stones and Puccini Operas, a person who is moved by an amazing play [such as Othello]. Of course, someone with similar interests as my own, as well as a balance of their own interests makes for an interesting partner. While I am an Atheist, I don't mind dating a man of faith, because a person of good faith isn't a zealot, doesn't have to go to a house of worship every week, and never expects others to conform to their beliefs. A man who has his own friends and allows me to have mine [and we are able to bring our friends together and have a great time] - that is a textbook healthy relationship, and rightfully so!
So, women, men, people, continue in your quest for happiness. And, remember the cliche: no one can love you until you love yourself. Don't expect a happy long term relationship if you aren't comfortable with yourself and your life.
*Let me clarify, I am speaking of Urban/Suburban women in Western [primarily American] society, and are more often heterosexual.
As an example, let me give you a few things are on my list:
1. He must be family oriented. The size of his family isn't extremely important, but the value of family must be strong and positive. If he has siblings, they must be friendly with each other and without any major feuds. If his parents are alive and well, his respect and admiration for them is well recieved. And, his desire to have a family of his own is essential. But, let me tell you this: if a man who has a strained or nonexistant relationship with his family desires a family of his own, I am less likely inclined to get serious with him.
2. Ambition is sexy. Having healthy goals and seeing that they are reached means he is fairly stable, emotionally/mentally strong, and willing to make the relationship work.
3. Emotional & Mental Stability. Seriously, who doesn't want their mate to be stable? Even if there is a history of depression, anxiety, trauma, etc., if the potential mate is willing and able to learn, grow, and cultivate positivity, the relationship will often times succeed. [Yes, love is a two way street, and everyone needs to give in order to recieve.] I am a woman. PMS is enough of an emotional rollercoaster (which I am happy to and currently doing my best to keep a smooth and steady ride), being with a man that is emotionally all over the place and unwilling to sort it out isn't my ideal situation.
4. Some semblance of Financial Stability is important in any long term and healthy relationship. Granted, you don't need to be millionares to be in a happy relationship (look at all these rich people with trophy wives and mulitple divorces). But, being able to feed, clothe and protect oneself is the core of a healthy human being. Both people in a relationship need to be able to take basic care of themselves. Anything extra allows for buffers. And, financial stability goes hand in hand with the desire to have a family and ambition. In these economical hard times, there isn't much room for laxidasical financial planning. A family oriented couple has to have options: CDs, IRAs, 401k's, a savings account per family member (at least two of those are handy).
5. Physical Health. I find myself more attracted to men who keep themselves in shape. I'm not talking about uber-muscular, Mr. Universe types, just men you know workout 3-5 days a week. Not only does it show that they care about their current state of being, but they probably understand that being healthy in the present often means longevity and less complications with age. Not only does exercise keep you physically healthy, it helps with mental stability. A happy, healthy man is always hot.
6. Experience in physical aspects of a relationship is more appealing to me. I am at an age where I am fairly secure with my sexuality. I know what I like and want "in the bedroom" and am more comfortable sharing that with someone with a decent level of sexual experience. I don't need to be with a Casanova type, but I don't want to be with a monastic type either. While I am willing to educate men on certian things, he should have an above basic understanding of women's sexuality.
7. A Sense of Humour is a must. He doesn't have to be artfully crafted in all sorts of humour, but understanding and amusement at pretty much anything funny allows for a more enjoyable relationship. Not only does he have to be amusing and easily amused, but I appriciate a man who doesn't take life too seriously [backtrack to mental stability]. Laughing is great for the abdominals, as well as your heart and the brain's seratonin levels. Everyone should laugh an hour a day [not all at once, but you know what I mean].
8. A Desire to Learn and/or an education. Intelligence is ubersexy. As a person who loves to learn and is open to experiencing things outside what I know, being with an educated or intelligent person wo loves to learn allows me the freedom to ask questions, explore, and want to share something new with someone. And, there is nothing like a well read man. I have often found that the more a person has read [and enjoyed what they read], the more eloquent they can be. Seriously, who doesn't love eloquence?
9. At least Two Years Older than me. I have found in my 8 years of "serious" dating, it is men a few years older than I am are often more down to earth, willing to be flexible, and less likely to stray. Younger guys [consider that I am 26], in my experience, have seemed more apprehensive, less experienced emotionally and physically, more likely to have "relationship ADD" [unable to be consistent, alert, and in tune with one relationship], and more likely want to explore. And, that is perfectly acceptable. Most guys, in general, aren't ready to settle until they are in their late 20's. I personally love an older guy [as much as 10-13 years older than myself]. Men in their early 30's are much more settled in their career, have [at least] rented their own place for a couple years, are fairly well educated, have a decent amount of sexual practice under their belt, and are happy try monogamy for awhile.
Those are my most important aspects in a man's life that I find attractive, as well as for many hetero women. There will always be individual tag ons to the list. For me, it's olive skin and/or freckles, blue and/or green eyes, someone who loves Bob Dylan, The Rolling Stones and Puccini Operas, a person who is moved by an amazing play [such as Othello]. Of course, someone with similar interests as my own, as well as a balance of their own interests makes for an interesting partner. While I am an Atheist, I don't mind dating a man of faith, because a person of good faith isn't a zealot, doesn't have to go to a house of worship every week, and never expects others to conform to their beliefs. A man who has his own friends and allows me to have mine [and we are able to bring our friends together and have a great time] - that is a textbook healthy relationship, and rightfully so!
So, women, men, people, continue in your quest for happiness. And, remember the cliche: no one can love you until you love yourself. Don't expect a happy long term relationship if you aren't comfortable with yourself and your life.
*Let me clarify, I am speaking of Urban/Suburban women in Western [primarily American] society, and are more often heterosexual.
Just Like The Name...
Love is love is love.
And, it is definately not rocket science, no matter how confusing or frustrating firguring out the motives of others.
This shall be a mix of Carrie Bradshaw, Daria [hello Gen Y television!], and my absolutely unique (and sometimes misrepresented) opinions.
Let me begin by saying that I am fairly fresh in the long term relationship field, my longest being 6 months. And, that was 6 months of intense chemistry and not much else to support said passion. Prior to that, I had another "long term relationship" - one that probably doesn't qualify as long term, as it only lasted 3 months. But that was 3 months of assumed monogamy. Assumed monogamy is a topic that requires a post of its own, which will tie into emotional cheating, and something I find people (both men and women) are guilty of doing.
But, I am feel that I am spread evenly when it comes to dating, interpersonal relationships, finding a mate, and the security in oneself to be a decent mate. I've had 8 soild years (12, if you count high school) of figuring stuff out, not only with relationships but with myself. While I don't know much, I hope to share my experiences and views with those in search of a mate (or not!).
And, it is definately not rocket science, no matter how confusing or frustrating firguring out the motives of others.
This shall be a mix of Carrie Bradshaw, Daria [hello Gen Y television!], and my absolutely unique (and sometimes misrepresented) opinions.
Let me begin by saying that I am fairly fresh in the long term relationship field, my longest being 6 months. And, that was 6 months of intense chemistry and not much else to support said passion. Prior to that, I had another "long term relationship" - one that probably doesn't qualify as long term, as it only lasted 3 months. But that was 3 months of assumed monogamy. Assumed monogamy is a topic that requires a post of its own, which will tie into emotional cheating, and something I find people (both men and women) are guilty of doing.
But, I am feel that I am spread evenly when it comes to dating, interpersonal relationships, finding a mate, and the security in oneself to be a decent mate. I've had 8 soild years (12, if you count high school) of figuring stuff out, not only with relationships but with myself. While I don't know much, I hope to share my experiences and views with those in search of a mate (or not!).
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